So you have just been given some news which has left you feeling pretty devastated and in shock. Your whole world now feels like it has come crashing down around you. All because of a test result indicating that your baby could have Down Syndrome. A test that only a few days ago was just another tick in a box on your pregnancy journey. Who would have thought that you would receive a 1 in 53 chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome?
It is ok to feel scared and overwhelmed right now with all the information presented to you by medical professionals illustrating all the complications that could possibly happen. Being told that it was ok to terminate your pregnancy did not sit well with you. Know that it is ok to feel angry, especially when the suggestion of termination questioned your very own beliefs. When from the moment that you knew your baby existed, you had already loved her unconditionally and felt strongly protective towards her. And you know that deep down that termination would have left you feeling broken.
The uncertainties that you are feeling during your pregnancy are normal but stay positive and follow your intuitions because you are stronger than you think. You will look back on this time in your life and think, ‘What were we so worried about?’
Fast forward to about four years from now. Imogen is now 3 years and 8 months old and she is very happy, healthy and thriving. She attends both Preschool and Early Intervention and she loves her teachers and has made some friends. You will be pleasantly surprised how well she has settled into Preschool as these are things that once felt like an unrealistic dream.
Yes, Imogen has a delayed development. So what? You will be prepared for this as it was expected. We all learn at our own pace and in our own time so throw out the rule book and stop comparing her to others. She will walk at 2 years and 4 months of age so be patient! Once she starts walking, there is no stopping her. What is beautiful to watch is the tenacity of how hard she keeps on trying and never gives up and how positive she is when she accomplishes something. I don’t know many people can truly express that level of enthusiasm which is truly a gift. She inspires me everyday.
Imogen loves the Wiggles and Sesame Street, especially Elmo and Abbie which you will soon become very tired of. She also loves her toy tea set and makes you play tea parties with her all day which she calls ‘High Tea.’
Imogen loves books and will make you read books to her continuously. She is learning to imitate us and has started to ask for what she wants using a combination of speech and single word signs. Imogen loves music and dancing and tries so hard to sing the songs that she has heard thousands of times before. In particular, she loves the ‘Happy Birthday song’, ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘5 Little ducks’. She has a duck puppet and sometimes when I listen carefully, I catch her singing ‘5 Little Ducks’ when she is playing with it.
Like any 3 year old, Imogen can be stubborn at times. Her favourite phrase is ‘I said no’ which she says a lot! She will make the best negotiator one day! One little quirk she has learnt that you will find to be endearing is that she screws her nose up to show a dislike for something. Probably a bad habit she has learnt from me so take care and think about how you communicate around her because she is smart and will soon catch on.
Imogen is also very caring and shows a lot of empathy towards others and the way she cares and plays with her dolls. She has also been known to cuddle some of the classmates at Preschool when they have been upset.
It is hard to imagine how a child with Down Syndrome will fit into the life you once knew. It was impossible to envision whether you would ever work again or would you become a fulltime carer to a child who has high additional needs. With a little help from your family you will be able to go back to work after 12 months at a part-time capacity, this will increase as Imogen gets older and shows more independence.
Since having Imogen, you will find that you get to become a member of a very exclusive and prestigious club! This club will open up some great opportunities to meet some pretty amazing families. People you would never have meet if it wasn’t for having a child with Down Syndrome. These people that have become some of your parenting mentors and a positive influence in your life. So welcome to the Club!
I can’t say if having a child with Down Syndrome is better or worse then having a child who didn’t have Down Syndrome. I have nothing to compare it too. All I know is that it is different and that different is proving to be a great thing.
Having a child with Down Syndrome is not something you had anticipated but in time as you learn about Imogen, it will not take long before you embrace it as it is everything you love about your child. Imogen wouldn’t be Imogen if she didn’t have Down Syndrome.
Take some advice from that Baz Luhrmann movie that you watched a hundred times. “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.” Life is about taking chances so stop worrying about what could possibly go wrong and focus on everything that would possibly go right!
So dry your eyes, celebrate your pregnancy and enjoy your baby when she arrives because this is a risk that is worth taking! Being her mum is the best! You have literally just won the lottery!
From your much wiser self.
Written by Michelle
Ambassador Imogen's Mum
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